Laughing at Yourself: The Funniest Form of Self-Love

I call myself the Dirty Old Church Lady of comedy, and I mean that with love. Anyone who performs live knows the feeling of a moment going sideways in front of a room full of people. If there is one skill that keeps a comic sane, it is laughing at yourself. Not tearing yourself down. Laughing. There is a big difference, and it might be the most underrated kind of self-love there is.

What Laughing at Yourself Really Means

Laughing at yourself is not insulting yourself before anyone else can. That is armor, not humor. Real self-laughter sounds like, "Wow, I really did that," said with a grin instead of a groan.

It means you can hold your mistakes lightly. You see your quirks clearly and decide they are part of your charm. You are not perfect, nobody is, and you are allowed to find that funny.

Why It Counts as Self-Love

Think about how you talk to a friend who spills coffee down their shirt before a meeting. You probably laugh with them, hand them a napkin and tell them nobody will notice. Now think about how you talk to yourself in the same situation. Harsher, right?

Laughing at yourself is how you start treating yourself like a friend. It does a few loving things at once:

It shrinks the shame. A mistake you can laugh about loses its power to haunt you at 2 a.m.
It keeps you trying. When failing is not a disaster, you are more willing to take a risk.
It makes you easier to be around. People relax around someone who does not take themselves too seriously.
It reminds you that you are human. And humans are, frankly, hilarious.

My Own Lesson From the Big Stage

When I walked out on Kill Tony for KillTony Mania on Netflix, I could have played it safe and polished. Instead I went in as myself, flaws, bold mouth and all. Tony Hinchcliffe told me, "You're built for comedy!" and Jeff Ross called me "Pure love." I did not get there by hiding the messy parts. I got there by putting them in the spotlight and laughing first. You can watch that set here.

I share that not to brag (okay, a little to brag) but because it proves the point. The parts of you that you are most embarrassed about are often the most relatable parts. When you own them, people lean in.

How to Start Laughing at Yourself

If you are used to being hard on yourself, this takes practice. Try these:

Catch the inner critic. When you hear "You idiot," pause and swap it for "Well, that was a choice."
Retell the story. Turn your latest blunder into a short, funny story for a friend. Exaggerate a little. Give yourself a dramatic narrator voice.
Look for the absurd. Most embarrassing moments are funny from the outside. Step outside for a second and look.
Give it a time limit. Feel bad for a minute if you need to. Then let the funny in.
Collect your greatest hits. Keep a note on your phone of your funniest fails. Read it when you are feeling too serious.

Where to Draw the Line

Laughing at yourself should feel like relief. If your jokes about yourself always leave you feeling smaller, that is a sign to be gentler. Self-mockery that turns into self-hate is not comedy.

A good rule: joke about what you did, not about who you are. "I locked my keys in the car again" is funny. "I am such a failure" is not a punchline. If you notice the second kind creeping in a lot, talk to someone you trust, and if it feels heavy, a licensed professional is a good call.

How It Shows Up in Love

Laughing at yourself makes you a better partner, friend and date. When you can admit, "Yep, I got that wrong," with a smile, arguments cool down faster. When you can laugh about your weird habits, the people who love you feel free to love them too.

It also makes you more fun to flirt with. Confidence is not pretending you have no flaws. It is being comfortable with the ones you have. If you are working on that comfort, the self-love ideas at UR-Amazing are a sweet place to start.

A Little Daily Practice

Here is a tiny habit I love. At the end of each day, ask yourself three questions:

What did I do today that was a little ridiculous?
What would I laugh about if a friend told me they did it?
Can I give myself that same laugh, and that same kindness?

Do that for a week and notice how much lighter you feel. The world does not need a perfect you. It needs a real you who can laugh, learn and keep going.

That is what I try to bring to every room I play: honesty that sounds like a joke until it lands, and lands softly. Get to know more about the woman behind the mic, and then go be gloriously, hilariously human.